God, I love to run.

Life is full of simple pleasures. Sometimes, their discovery waits a few steps off the beaten path. Or perhaps through a long, aimless drive along a back country road. This evening at dusk, I took one of those drives through the streets of a sleepy mountain town in Silverado Canyon. Silverado is nestled amongst charred and barren hills roughly ten miles east of Irvine, and the contrast between the two towns could not be more prominent.

As the last of the city lights vanished from my rearview mirror, I realized that I was the only person on the road. Instead of office complexes and subdivisions, I found myself surrounded by verdant, rolling hills and groves of trees that seemed very inviting. I rolled down my windows and inhaled a deep draught of the breeze. The air was moist and cool; the smell of fresh soil and honeysuckle wafted through the cab. “Almost like home,” I thought and smiled.

I pulled off to the side of the road and took a few pictures of the land. Looking at them now, what I find to be most remarkable is the contrast between this rustic landscape and the sprawling metropolis less than ten miles away. This countryside transports me back to memories of my childhood; growing up in the deep South amongst pastures and tall trees.

Its a great place to lose yourself…

A number of years ago when I first started writing, I developed a theme in my prose and poems around the pleasure of smoking. One of my favorite poems reads as follows:

“Ceaseless”
As waves crash continuously
Upon the Eastern coast,
As wax melts endlessly
Into the candles of the night,
Endless hours are enveloped
In a whiff of smoke.

I won’t go so far as to suggest that there is an art to smoking a cigar, but is more of a singular event than, say, smoking a pack of cigarettes. It’s not something that can be rushed. Like a good conversation, each cigar has a unique story to tell. It speaks through a complex variety of flavors -from earthy notes like coffee or cedar to toffee and cocoa – depending on the individual crops.

These thoughts drifted lazily through my mind as I watched the sun set over the lake. There was no moral, no catharsis, just a few moments of peace. And that was enough.

The 2 o’clock San Diego sun has baked the eloquence from my speech and I keep deleting these lines as I type so I’ll sum things up here with broad brush strokes before I’m too tired to finish. It was good catching up with my friend, Avi (who’s undoubtedly blogging about this session as I type ).

When we first paddled out, the waves were chest high, clean and–most importantly–forgiving. I caught a few choice rides and worked some maneuvers that I thought my feet had forgotten. I rode one in to the beach and got caught in a pounding beach break when I tried paddling back out. Meanwhile, he caught several good rides of his own and was heading back in just as I broke through the channel. Having tired myself out swimming through constant breakers, I had no complaints.

All in all, it was a good day. And yes, I’m way stoked.

Enjoy!

1. “Unsung” by Helmet : Sweeping dynamics and harmonies, easy to pace to the beat.

2. “Requiem” by Boysetsfire : I really like the opening-sets a frenetic pace that is sustained throughout.

3. “Caboose” by Snapcase : While the song itself is kinetic, the message “…self inherence, freedom…comes from within…” is a great inspirational line.

4. “Run and Fall” by Snapcase: Unfortunately, there’s no Grooveshark link here. It’s a shame, this is an instrumental piece that’s one of my favorites from the band.

5. “Cold Cash and Colder Hearts” by Thrice

6. “The Artist in the Ambulance” by Thrice

7. “Figure 8” by Trust Company : Very intense, driving metal from Alabama. Yeah, I was surprised too…

8. “Running from Me” by Trust Company : Great running song, I often use this one to get a second wind.

9. “Running from the Rain” by Thursday : Another running song (obviously), I like to hear this one when I’m running outside at night.

10. “Cross Out the Eyes” by Thursday : This was the first Thursday song I heard, still as powerful today for me as it was 9 years ago.

11. “Revolve” by The Melvins : Pure hard rock.

12. “Shake That” by Eminem : What can I say…its got a really good beat. There’s more where that came from (see below):

13. “Hate It or Love It” by 50 Cent

14. “In Da Club” by 50 Cent : Ok so I’ll confess: I am a secret 50 Cent fan. He’s got great beats and I like the cadence of his rhymes.

15. “Defiance” by One King Down : Incendiary, dynamic, straight-edge metalcore from a vegan Christian Band. Intrigued? So was I.

These are the highlights from a playlist that’s currently 79 tracks long and growing. I’m always looking for new music, feel free to share what you’re listening to as well!

I left my house this evening toting my camera and a sense of curiosity. The sidewalks and the streets were slick with new fallen rain while the sky cleared just long enough for me to take some pictures of the sunset. I thought that I’d share a few here.

It was a very refreshing walk. The air was brisk and clean; redolent with the scent of pine needles and the damp soil. The following shot was my favorite; you’ll recognize it as my redesigned header. I love how the contrast between the sunset and the streetlights blends together in the reflecting pools.

These pictures speak volumes about the quiet beauty that surrounds us every day. I’m glad that I stopped to listen tonight.

Ok so I know what you’re wondering, “Dude, what’s with the flower? And how does that relate to the lottery?” Well there are a ton of explanations I could say but the truth is actually pretty mundane: I saw it in front of my house and thought it looked cool. But looking at it now blossoming amongst the weeds, it reminds me of a parable that a friend of mine told me the other day:

A man wanted to win the lottery. Each morning he prayed for nothing else. After three years he finally cried out in despair: “Why haven’t you helped me after all these years?” As if in response, he heard a booming voice retort: “Try buying a ticket.”

Imagine if it were that easy, having a token of unrealized wealth at your fingertips! As far fetched as this idea may appear, it’s not necessarily as fictional as it seems. Within each of us lives a similar opportunity-something we do better than anyone else. It just takes time and careful reflection to discover what that is. It’s ironic how we can know so many things about the world, yet be completely alien to ourselves at the same time.

Here’s a little experiment: take five minutes every morning and just think. Don’t read, don’t write, don’t respond to that “urgent” text message. Just be. After that time take another five minutes and write down anything that comes to mind-no constraints, just purge it all. Try this each day for a week to start, just ten minutes of you. This isn’t meant to be a chore, try to have some fun with it if you can. As you write, you’ll start to notice common themes–your frustrations, goals and fears–gradually revealing the mystery of you, one word at a time. As you review your notes, you’ll gain a greater understanding of who you are, what you need, and most importantly, what you’re capable of doing. On that note, I’ll close with an anonymous quote I read the other day:

“The successful man is the average man, focused.”

Done? I’ll wait another moment…

Alright. Now I know you’re wondering why I made you do that. It occurred to me the other day that a good deal of our time is spent searching for a place that we can feel completely at ease. This place can either be a physical or an psychological one (e.g. the weekend) but each involves a sense of longing for a time yet to come. To be more blunt-we are consumed by want, by Desire. Funny thing about Desire–her allure is paradoxically both a sense of comfort and frustration; a gift and a hunger.

These thoughts led me to think about Regret, Desire’s melancholy sister. While Regret lives in the past, she spends her days gnawing at the heels of the present. Without careful consideration, our lives are spent shunning Regret and chasing Desire, giving no thought to the precious space between.

Lets bring this into context: I am writing this on a Wednesday. I’ve crossed the precipice that is mid-week; over halfway to the weekend. Monday and Tuesday I churned through, each minute lost amongst thoughts of 5:00. I imagine that Thursday and Friday will bring no change. Saturday draws nearer with each passing breath. So lets say Saturday arrives; it too passes all too soon, as does Sunday–what then? The drone of Monday’s alarm starts the longing anew.

With all the toil of running and chasing, its no wonder that the present is so often overlooked. On this note, lets all take another break. Lock your computer and walk away.

Finished? Not yet? I’ll give you another moment…

Why the breaks, you ask? These breaks symbolize the opportunity we have each day to find that space we’ve been searching for. Though it seems contradictory, Desire and Regret are two sides of the same coin–they feed off of each other as the present quietly slips away. Now is your opportunity to kick up your heels and say “Yeah!” Now is the time to live. Don’t feed Regret with Desire. Realize Now. It may be your only chance.

This isn’t his exit. He takes it anyway. Just to drive. Only to be stopped immediately at the first intersection. There are no cars coming the other way. The light stays red. Ahead of him, home awaits. Behind him, only work. His foot slips off the brake. Glances the accelerator. He starts rolling through the intersection. The light glares at him, still red. A moment of confusion ensues. Then panic—then acceptance.

He stamps his foot firmly on the accelerator…leaving a gaggle of startled commuters in his wake. He rolls his window down. The wind feels cold and good.

(But what have I done? What will they think? What do I do now? Where do I go? Where am I? What am I doing?)

These fugitive thoughts cloud his once lucid mind as he approaches a second red light. Takes his foot off the gas. Questions his motives, questions his direction. Thinks about turning back. Back to that clotted stream.

No.

Once again back on the pedal. These thoughts stew in his brain. Thoughts of home. Of work. Of home. Of work. And panic. And speed. And through the light he goes.

A siren punctures the stillness like a knife.

A cold chill runs down his spine. His fingers tremulously perched on the wheel. So much confusion now. and sirens. His foot locked in position. Brake lights ahead. Whites to the left. He accelerates—in between yellow lines like a dervish…his mind a tempest of incoherence suddenly becoming clear…painted lines merely a suggestion, he darts through a sea of screeching red lights…impelled towards a single destination…the wind lashes at his face, blows the skin taught…his hands gripping tightly on the wheel…slowly each finger removes itself as his foot hits the floor…his mind raging toward full consciousness for the first time in years…all fingers completely off the wheel and he is laughing…as the car hits the wall everything is beauty and youth and hot-blooded defiance assaulting the cold sky with a burst of incandescence.